1. how do you feel when you see cops at a protest?

safer. they’re just doing their job. nervous. depends on who’s protesting. i record everything. just in case. i start looking for the exit and the tear gas.

2. what’s your relationship with capitalism?

we’re happily married. it’s complicated—we have kids (my rent, my job). i cheat on it emotionally with socialism. i filed for divorce in my marxist reading group.

3. you won the lottery. first move?

buy property. everywhere. quit job, travel the world, still vote liberal. start a co-op and fund community projects. burn the money, dismantle the lottery system.

4. who’s your favorite revolutionary?

steve jobs (he changed the world!) che guevara (problematic but iconic) angela davis (still alive, still badass) my grandma—survived poverty, raised five, still anti-fascist.

5. what should be done with billionaires?

applaud their success. heavily tax them, but let them keep a yacht. seize the means, redistribute the yacht. gulag, but make it art.

6. what’s freedom to you?

shopping whenever i want. saying whatever i want—even if it sucks. not having to sell my time to survive. collective joy in a post-work, post-rent world.

7. you wake up and the system has collapsed. first reaction?

build a bunker and defend your crypto. cry. then scroll memes. join the neighborhood assembly. light a joint and plan a direct action.

8. big tech’s data scandals: your stance?

i don’t care, i love my free apps. annoying, but i still use their stuff. i’m on open-source everything now. burn their servers, free our data.

9. a revolution breaks out. your role?

i’m tweeting about it, safely indoors. i’m the one making protest playlists. organizing logistics and mutual aid. frontline, megaphone in hand.

10. your carbon footprint makes you feel…

fine, i’ll buy electric next time. guilty, but flying is so convenient. angry—corporations are the real problem. ready to sabotage oil pipelines.